Category — Healthy Church?

I’m the first to admit that I’m not good at a lot of things.

I can barely hang a picture. Well, really I can’t hang a picture and stay in fellowship with the Lord Jesus.

I’m lousy at small talk. No, it’s worse than that. I suck at small talk. I marvel at people like our assimilation pastor, David Anderson, work a room and make everyone smile.

I have no idea how I made it through the general education science classes at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Maybe it had something to do with the braniac dude I chose as my lab partner. We fully admitted our codependence. He couldn’t tell a verb from an adjective, and I couldn’t find the spleen on that frog to save my life. “You do the experiments, Buddy. I’ll write ‘em up”

But when it comes to leadership, I just get it. Always have. From the fireline to the tank platoon to the local church, I’ve always been a leader.

So when I was preparing my sermon from 1 Peter 5:1-4, one of the classic leadership passages in the New Testament, the guys on staff asked me to “give my speech.”

“I don’t know. That’s a pretty in-your-face speech. May overload people a little.”

“Come on, Ed. This is an in-your-face paragraph. And so many church leaders don’t have a clue about leadership. They’re reading books and article written by people who have never led. It’s all theory.”

I had to admit that 1 Peter 5:1-4 is counter-culture to most church leaders’ expectations to leadership. So many church “leaders” view themselves as entrepreneurs, administrators, Bible teachers, or visionaries. What they never seem to get is that none of those terms describe a New Testament leader. Really, in my opinion, they don’t describe a leader in any arena. The problem with these words is that they all drip with an expectation that leadership is about getting other people to do what you want them to do, to follow your plan, to build your empire or church.

True leadership is about giving your life away to those you lead to release their giftedness and to guide them toward a common goal. It’s all about personal sacrifice and hardship to encourage, guide and release others.

This is why Peter chooses the verb “shepherd” to exhort the leaders of the church. “Shepherd the flock,” Peter says, “willingly, enthusiastically, and by example—because Jesus will reward faithful undershepherds when He comes” (1 Peter 5:1-4).

The more I studied the paragraph, the more comfortable I felt sharing the speech I give to every prospective leader at Church of the Open Door. So, if you’re a leader, buckle your seat belt, and hear me out:

• Don’t thwart the ministry of the Holy Spirit in these people’s lives.
• Have you counted the cost of discipleship—everything— in Luke 14:25-35?
• Do you trust grace enough to risk letting go of your dreams and plans for these people so that you can embrace God’s dreams and plans for these people?
• It’s never about you; it’s always about Jesus.
• It’s never about you; it’s always about team.
• It’s never about you; it’s always about the sheep.
• It’s never about your giftedness; it’s about releasing the giftedness of others.
• Finally, when it comes to the hard things—you go first. But when it comes to the good things—you come last.

Still want to be a leader?

Every Sunday I stand before some courageous Christians who get what the Bible says about our desperate need for one another. They understand our inability to live the Christian life alone. Struggling forward locking arms, they grasp the universal teaching of Christ and the Apostles that we must learn not only to trust God with the truth about our lives, but we must also trust one another with the truth about our lives. These are friends who are living as if what the Bible says about community is true.

Sadly, tragically, there are believers choosing not to worship with us who are proving that they do not believe what the Bible says about community is true. Maybe someone hurt their feelings. Maybe they didn’t get their way. Maybe they’re waiting until they “get their Christian life together.” Maybe they have a secret.

I would be the last pastor to tell them they need to come to church to keep our numbers up.

But I do beg them to come to church because they need us and we need them.

Especially during times of suffering.

The Apostle Peter connects the suffering of our lives to our need for community in 1 Peter 4:7-11 by exposing the mistaken assumption those who decide to “go it alone” are making when they run from church: Time is short!

“The end of all things is at hand—gather in groups, pray hard, and love well!”

Christians who say they don’t need one another are acting as if they have forever to sort out their little feelings or hide their big secrets.

We don’t!

Even if you don’t agree with me that Jesus could show up any day for His church to take them to heaven, you have to admit that your days are numbered. And speaking for all of us who have heard the doctor say, “It’s cancer,” I promise you that you don’t have as many days as you think.

Stop wasting your time hiding and pouting. Find a healthy church and throw in, for better or worse. Give and receive love by praying hard for one another and loving well.

You’re going to suffer. There’s no way around it.

You can either suffer alone or with friends in the messy glory of community.

RETALIATE: to make an attack or assault in return for a similar attack

Retaliation is all about getting even, being right, feeling exonerated, making sure everyone knows my side, my view, my account of events, my opinion and my reasoning.

It never heals, always escalates, and in spite of both sides’ desire to win the retaliation battle, everyone loses.

Especially when it involves Christians.

When we divide a Christian marriage, a Christian family, a Christian staff, team, or church into winners and losers, it hurts the reputation of the Lord Jesus in this world.

Histories and Timelines

This is how you know you’re in the middle of a sanctified retaliation war. Opposing parties come to meetings with their version of the issues and conflicts.

“And then, on Wednesday, you said this. That’s why I did this.”

“No I didn’t. It didn’t happen that way at all. I can prove that it wasn’t until the next Tuesday that I said that, but that’s not what I said. I said this, and it was only because you did this on the Friday before.”

Both sides marshal a lot of “character” or “eye” witnesses to prove that they’ve been wronged, hurt, or misunderstood.

Tragically, if it’s a retaliation war between husband and wife, they usually try to recruit the children to their side. If it’s Christian leaders, they usually recruit devoted followers to their side.

It’s so important to win that they totally disregard the emotional and spiritual impact all of this will have on those who look up to them.

But Jesus said…

That “they,” all those watching, would know we are Christians by our love, not by our exoneration, by our willingness to give up our rights, not by our determination to be right, by our behaviors that remind people of Him rather than the two-year-olds in our world.

Judy and I have an almost two-year-old in our life right now. Our Celia’s Zachary lives just a few miles away. He’s our first grandchild to permanently reside in California and we just can’t get enough of him.

But when he doesn’t get his way and stomps his feet and his face turns purple and his eyes bug out and he screams at his parents (he never screams at me because I try not to tell my grandchildren anything they don’t want to hear), it’s not a pretty picture. He’s a sweetie until he doesn’t get his way. Then he becomes a retaliator!

Reminds me a lot of church fights I’ve been a part of, or marriages Judy and I have tried to “adjudicate.” Grownup Christians prove that their chronological age has nothing to do with the spiritual maturity when they revert to the behaviors of a two-year-old.

So how would the Lord Jesus classify you when you don’t get your way in your marriage, your family, your workplace, or your church?

Would He say you’re a selfless, other-centered and mature follower who trusts Him enough to give up your rights?

Or would He tell you you’re more like a two-year old retaliator when it comes to getting your own way?

If all of this makes you uncomfortable, it should.

It makes me uncomfortable.

But it also pulls my heart. Because as much as I want my own way in my flesh, my redeemed heart wants to be more like Jesus than the two-year-olds I know.

By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. (Jesus Christ, John 13:35)

A lot of Christians think that our only spiritual option in the face of suffering is to just try to survive and somehow keep your faith.

Peter would disagree.

In the most extended discussion of suffering in the New Testament Peter tells his readers to take up arms against suffering.

And he’s not talking about picking up some verbal or theological weapon to beat your enemies or the devil over the head with.

He’s talking about putting on the same battle armor the Lord Jesus wore on the cross.

“But,” you protest, “if Jesus was clothed at all on the cross, it was only a loin cloth. How do you get armor out of that?”

I’m not talking about anything Jesus wore on the outside. He chose not to protect His body against the beatings, the scourging, the thorns and the nails. If the people He loves were to have any hope, He knew He had to pay for our sins by dying that cruel death.

I’m talking about what Jesus was “wearing” on the inside—in His heart and mind. We can’t know everything that Jesus was thinking as He died for our sins on that cruel Roman cross, but we do know that Peter highlights two thoughts paramount in His mind in 1 Peter 3:

1) He was entrusting Himself to the Father as He suffered for others.

2) He was trusting in His Father to vindicate Him.

And then, in 4:1, Peter encourages Christians to “arm yourselves also with the same mind” as Christ who suffered for us in the flesh.

Christian, there’s your battle-armor in the warzone of suffering.

I can’t know what your specific suffering is today, but I do know that there’s something that is breaking your heart—physically, emotionally, or relationally.

Maybe you’ve lost your job and you don’t know how you’re going to pay the mortgage.

Maybe your prodigal son or daughter is out there somewhere living a lifestyle that causes you to live expecting a call from the coroner some sad night.

Maybe you just heard what you thought you would never hear from your spouse: “I don’t love you any more.” “I’m leaving you.” “I had an affair.” “I’m addicted.”

Maybe strained relationships in your family or your church have just worn you out and you don’t know if you can go on.

Or maybe, like me, you live with a dread disease that could take you out without warning.

May I encourage you to take Peter’s words to heart and put on your battle armor?

Arm yourself with the same thoughts Jesus was thinking when He suffered for you:

My Loving Father is still good and I can trust Him with this pain so that I can live for others.

My Loving Father will never let me down and someday He will vindicate me so that I can see clearly why this had to be.

Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same mind (attitude, mindset) (1 Peter 4:1).

There’s a lot of the last half of 1 Peter 3 that nobody really understands. Who were these spirits in heaven? Why did Peter bring Noah into the argument?

But the main point of 1 Peter 3:12-22 is clear: If we bless those who hurt us and oppose us rather than retaliating, God will take care of us and vindicate us.

Even if we suffer because of our refusal to fight back, reciprocate, and return evil for evil.

In fact, “it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing [the] good [of holding our tongue and trust God to take care of us] than for doing [the] evil [of retaliating and making sure everyone knows why we’re right and our ‘enemies’ are wrong]” (1 Peter 3:17).

One of the deepest regrets of my life is a time when I refused to let God take care of my reputation. Judy and I had been devastated by a sanctified retaliation war. We lost a church we loved and moved from a community we thought we would raise our grandchildren in.

Throughout the fight I told Judy we would “take the high road.” I would simply resign and we would move away, trusting God for the results.

For the most part, that’s exactly what we did. We held our tongue in the community and refused to “explain” our side of the disagreements and issues.

But one night a few months after we had left, we gathered with one of the small groups that had been a part of that church. We were driving through the community on our way home from a pastor’s conference I had led. Our intentions were pure. We simply wanted to see these people we loved.

Then, they began to ask questions about some of the rumors they had heard.

I decided that I had had enough, that I just couldn’t take it any more, that someone had to “set the record straight.”

So, for the first and only time, I spouted all of my defenses and let everyone know why I was right and the other side was wrong. Judy looked at me with questioning eyes, “I thought we were taking the high road here?”

Those were maybe the most sinful ten minutes of my life.

After I finished my tirade, one of the men said, “I’ve got some people to talk to.” And I thought, “You bet you do! You just see how they answer this!”

Right then, at that very moment the Holy Spirit broke into my thoughts and said, “Ed, do you have any idea what you just unleashed here?”

I knew that I had sinned. I knew that this didn’t help anyone. And I regretted it immediately.

Still do.

To my shame and grief, nothing but bad came out of that meeting. Not one of those people still walks with the Savior.

I messed up, but you can learn from my sin. In your marriage, your family, your friendships, and your church, it’s not going to make anything better when you make sure everyone knows why you are right and everyone else is wrong.

You can be a better Christian than I was that night. You can keep your mouth shut and trust God for the results…even if it means that you will suffer for doing that good thing.