Category — Practical Christianity

A lot of good teaching about Christian marriage concentrates on the happiness of marriage. I’ve read a lot of these and recommend many in premarital and marital counseling.

The Apostle Peter, who I’m sure would agree that the biblical teachings on marriage would build a happier more fulfilling one-flesh union, gives Christians another reason to listen to what God says about it in 1 Peter 3:1-7.

This section of Peter’s letter tells devoted disciples of Christ how to relate to this alien and hurtful world. He’s primarily concerned with the spiritual impact of our lives rather than our personal happiness. “Likewise,” or “In the same way…” introduces the commands to both wives (v 1) and husbands (v 7) by referring back to Christ’s deference to authority even when it was unfair because He entrusted Himself to the Father’s will and purposes (2:21-25).

His call to selfless, Christlike behaviors challenges wife and husband to respect and honor one another for the sake of Christ’s work in one another, their family, their communities, and their world.

Wives who trust God enough to respect their husbands in Sarah-like ways, regardless of his spirituality or maturity, maximize the spiritual impact of the marriage.

Husbands who trust God enough to honor their wives as coheirs of the grace of life by relating to them in understanding and sensitive ways, maximize their prayer life.

The principle is clear: Instead of thinking about yourself, think about the spiritual impact of your marriage.

Here are a few practical ways every husband and wife reading these words can deepen the spiritual impact of his or her marriage through mutual respect and honor.

Respect is for every Christian, but especially for wives in the marriage relationship, and involves four things, according to 1 Peter 3:1-6:

• An attitude of entrusting yourself to God (2:23-25)

• Requiring respectful behavior (3:1-2)

• Involving the development of godly character (3:3-5)

• Including doing what is right (3:6)

Honor is for every Christian, but especially for husbands in the marriage relationship, and involves four things, according to 1 Peter 3:7:

• Active listening

• Thorough study of temperament, personality, and thought patterns

• Understanding of the other person rather than demanding to be understood

• Knowledge of God’s will concerning the treatment of the other person

But for every Christian, honor and submission have much more to do with trusting God than they have to do with personal gain, insights, or discipline.

For me and my Judy—my spirited, green-eyed beauty—growing in these categories of mutual respect and honor has made every difference. Not only in the happiness of our marriage, but in its impact on our children, our communities, and our world.

However, our growth has had much more to do with trusting God than memorizing verses or trying to be better. In the heat of the inevitable clashes of two egos, especially mine; we have to remind ourselves, “Respect and honor, respect and honor—these are words from my Father who delights in us. These are words He stands behind in all of His grace and mercy.

Gary Larson’s classic Far Side cartoon of the gifted young knucklehead trying to push through a door marked “Pull” is how I picture the theologians telling people they need to be more committed, more repentant, more…you fill in the blanks, to earn God’s love so that they can receive eternal life.

I was just reading a book written by one of these theological “geniuses.” Explaining his view of the so-called “lukewarm Christian” in Revelation 3, he claims to believe 100% in grace while maintaining that there  will not be any lukewarm Christians in heaven. He just thinks they should have some “fruit.”

Apart from the obvious possibility that this is a warning to churches rather than individual Christians, I wonder about his definition of “lukewarm.”

I bet I know.

Just a few degrees cooler than the “heat” of  his own personal commitment to the Lord Jesus.

I bet I know his definition of convincing fruit: About the same amount he has.

If it weren’t so tragic, it would be as funny as Larsen’s Far Side scene.

The tragedy of it all is that while he’s convinced himself that his lukewarmness is just above the lukewarmness the grace of God covers, thousands of sincere Christians are compelled to keep pushing through a door grace already pulled open the day they believed in Christ.

I’m fascinated by Luke’s account of Jesus’ Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem on Monday, just four days before His crucifixion. As the crowd worshiped Him as a Moses-like liberator who would end their slavery to Rome and lead them to the good life in their land flowing with milk and honey, Jesus burst into tears (Luke 19:28-44).

We know that the Lord’s grief had to do with the coming destruction of Jerusalem (43-44), but it also had to do with the shallow peace they clamored after.

Jesus could see through the festive atmosphere of the Passover that energized the mass hysteria. He could see into their hearts.

He knew every unkind and hurtful word and act that had wounded every heart.

He knew every unkind and hurtful word or act that they had uttered or committed that had wounded the hearts of others.

He knew their fears and doubts, their addictions and cover-ups, every personal and family secret, every strained relationship, every insecurity, every lie about themselves, every failure and every regret.

Because of that, He refused to give them what they wanted. He was going to give them what they needed—liberation from the penalty and power of sin.

It seemed so plain to me that if Jesus had given them everything they wanted—freedom from Rome, removed all the hurtful people from their lives, a booming economy, better houses, better crops, more leisure time, no more fear of invading troops, and absolute earthly happiness, they would still be the same old messed up people relating to the same old messed up people in the same old messed up world.

What didn’t seem so plain to me until I started journaling about this core message—Jesus gives us what we need, not what we want—was how much I resemble the fickle crowds.

I began to write down what I wanted Jesus to do. I filled up almost two pages in my journal. And guess what? If Jesus changed all the things that preoccupy my prayers, I’d still be the same old Ed!

Seems that what I need most is for the Lord to change me, not my circumstances.

But He already has. Romans 6 tells me that I have been set free from the power of sin.

Maybe I should concentrate my prayers on asking the Lord to show me how to live out of who I am in Him, rather than asking Him to improve my messed up world.

For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are under law but under grace (Romans 6:14).

Mark’s account of the last day of Jesus of Nazareth’s earthly life stresses the irony of the Lord’s civil trial, crucifixion, and burial.

• Unwittingly, His enemies fulfill prophecy to the letter and even speak the correct interpretation of the events.
• Pilate, representing Roman might, cannot prevent His crucifixion. Mocking soldiers hail Him as King of the Jews.
• People who have never read Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22 and wouldn’t have believed it if they did, make decisions and speak words that ensure that the prophet and the poet’s ancient words are literally fulfilled.

Not one small detail or one word was outside the sovereign power of our God.

I picture Mark collaborating with Peter twenty years after the events and rejoicing over the astonishing fact that a Roman centurion declared, “Truly this Man was the Son of God!” Now that they have some perspective, they realize that the day they thought God had lost control and everything was falling apart was the day God was doing exactly what He always said He would do.

I wonder if they had as much trouble applying that wonderful truth to their daily lives as I do. Mark’s unique perspective on Jesus’ last day tells me this about my life: My God is always doing exactly what He wants to do and needs to do to love me well and display His glory through me, no matter how difficult or painful my life may be right now.

Then, why can’t I trust Him with my schedule? Why do I work 70 hours a week and never take a day off? This was my haunting question as I prepared to preach this passage and confess my sin of unbelief before Church of the Open Door. I happily trust Him with my finances, entrust my children and grandchildren to Him, even my health. But I seem unable to trust Him with this ministry.

My personal mythology to rationalize my sin is that I’m just overloaded, next week will be better, and people need me right now. But the truth is that I’m believing lies about my God. I’m saying that He needs me to work myself to death, that He can’t get it done without me.

If He could get it done on Good Friday without me, then why does He need me to get it done any other day?

I don’t know where your trust battle rages today, but I do pray that the ways the Lord has used this passage in my own life will encourage you to trust Him more today.

If you want to follow Jesus, you must view your circumstances as His will for you, and confidently hope in His redemptive purposes to be revealed!